Doing What I Want Instead of What I Want
We’re a little over 10% into 2024 and I’m trying something sort of new for me.
I’ve never been a ‘new years resolution’ kind of guy. I’ve actually never been the biggest ‘goal’ setter. At least not a ‘sit down, write them out & track them’ kind of person…unless it’s work related at least.
But 2024 has me reflecting. That’s not very new for me. It doesn’t take much for me to reflect or get introspective. So I guess what is different is that 2024 has me feeling like I can’t waste any more time. Maybe it’s the whole ‘I turned 40’ a couple of months ago thing, but I’m feeling motivated to make decisions differently.
At the stage of life that I’m in (with work, family, etc), I’m finding it all too easy to live in survival mode. I’m actually finding it difficult to NOT live in survival mode: feeling less than adequate at any & all of the roles I play in my life. I tend spend my mornings rushed & my evenings too tired to be motivated to do much at all.
Essentially, I’m feeling the pressure to be more intentional about when & how I rest/rejuvinate along with when & how I ‘do’. I tend to have a high level of responsibility, so even in times where I ‘should’ be resting, I find myself floating or feeling guilty about all the things I should probably be doing. But often when the time comes to the ‘doing’ (at least with things for family, myself, home, adulting), I find myself too tired or unmotivated & sort of floating…which leads me to feeling guilty.
Being fed up with that has me trying to be more intentional about doing making more decisions based on what I want long term vs what I want in the moment.
Ground breaking, right?
Obviously this is nothing new. We’re really just talking about having some discipline & intention. Jon Acuff recently tweeted about how ‘morning Jon’ isn’t a decision maker, only an action taker. So much is resonating with me around that idea. That I make decisions around what I want/need to do & be when I’m at my healthiest. Then, when I’m NOT at my best, I have the discipline to not be a decision maker on what I want/need, but an action taker on what I’d already decided.
At this point, this has looked like obvious & simple things like me changing some routine. I’ve been getting up at 6am to have a slower, more intentional morning with some time to take care of myself & do a few things I want to do…the good want. I’m a night owl by nature, so getting to bed when I need to remains a challenge, but I’ve found myself enjoying most mornings & still finding value in the ritual on mornings I don’t enjoy so much.
I’m trying to take more steps toward simplifying & decluttering my life. I’m trying to draw better boundaries, say ‘no’ more often & say ‘yes’ to some things that feel uncomfortable but help get to me where/who I want to be. It means letting more people down than I like. I’m still wrestling with that.
I know motivation & will power isn’t a long term plan for this. It’s been enough to get me through the first 10% of the year or so, but I can feel it weining. I’m not just trying to shift my motivations, but really just be more intentional about what I value & scheduling those things out. I’m simply finding that many of the choices I make for myself in moment tend to be for myself…in the moment. The easy way out. So, I’m really just trying to make decisions for myself ahead of time based on my values & then try to not give myself an option in the moment.
There’s a balance here I’ll have to figure out. The reality of self-care makes me want to be able to hit pause when I need to, give myself some grace & not throw the baby out with the bathwater on days where I choose what I feel like I need in the moment. But I also know I need to push myself harder sometimes & ask what I really need vs what feels easy in the moment.
I was reminded a few weeks ago that 43% of people quit their new years resolutions by the end of January. I’m not a big new year’s resolution kind of guy though, so hopefully all of this becomes more habit & mindset than motivation & resolutions. We’ll see.
