The Start of a Saga: 20 Years Later
BIG IDEA: this is a departure from ministry blogging to share the story of what happened
20 years ago to the day with my wife & me. Warning: it might take you 20 years to read it.
20 years ago today, my life changed. It was Friday night, November 16, 2001. I was a Sr in High School. More accurately, I had just attended my last class on November 8th. I took advantage of my High School’s first year of trimesters & finished on November 8. I was about to start working the graveyard shift at the Shell station by my house & take college classes in the evenings.
It was one of my favorite weekends of the year: Indiana State Youth Convention (iSYC). That meant heading downtown Indy with some of my favorite folks for a weekend of good times & God. I was pretty pumped.
It’s Friday night & our crew is sitting in the back right section of iSYC’s exhibit hall. We’re about 30-45 minutes into the opening session when an entire youth group shows up late & ends up sitting on the floor, leaning against the back wall behind us. It was pretty impossible to miss, so of course I’m doing the head turn & watching them file in. They’re doing their best to not be a distraction, but clearly failing.
As they’re sitting, I notice a girl. I’m not lying when I tell you that I can still remember that moment. Hair in a bun. Jeans with a slight 2001 flare. Sneakers. Light colored, long sweater jacket & an awesome vintage blue MacGregor t-shirt I’d eventually also wear regularly until we had to retire it to the keepsake tub because it was falling apart.
I did my best to stay focused the rest of that session, but my attention had been intercepted by this girl from the late group.
After the session was over, I did my absolute best to get our groups to cross paths…but controlling two separate groups of people at 17 isn’t easy. As our group exited the big room & began to head down the convention center halls back to our hotel, I had to act.
Now, to be clear, I wasn’t someone who ‘acted’ with stuff like this. That will become painfully clear as this story continues. But something was compelling me to not go back to our hotel without trying to see this girl again. During one of my not so subtle “peek over the shoulder stares” during the session, I noticed a few familiar faces from the group she was with. Specifically, a kid named Chad who I had become friends with at previous church camps. Chad was from Kokomo. He even had his big red letter jacket on as a reminder (go Wildkats). Ergo, this mystery girl must be with the Kokomo group.
As we were leaving the big room where the session was, there were still a lot of people in there. I thought I noticed some from the Kokomo group lingering when we walked out. About halfway down the hallway, we noticed that my buddy Nic wasn’t with the group. This wasn’t unusual (love you, Nic). Nic tended to wander. I saw my chance. I was pretty sure Nic wasn’t back in the big room, but it sure wouldn’t have seemed weird for me to suggest he might & to offer to go back & look for him.
I told my beloved friend & our fearless leader, Craig, that I’d volunteer as tribute to run back to the big room to see if Nic got caught up in the crowd because asking Craig to let me run back to the big room to gawk at a cute girl probably wouldn’t have gone over well. You know what…as I think about it…Craig probably would have been fine with that! Ha. But remember, I wasn’t someone who “acted” with stuff like this, so it was easier to play along with the lost Nic storyline.
At this stage in life, if we were on a youth group trip, I was rarely alone. So, Chris (Pack), Jason (Stoops) & Colin (Creeps) head back to the big room to “look for Nic.” Spoiler: no Nic. However, that cute girl was there. So, I walked up to her, introduced myself & we lived happily ever after.
Just kidding. I don’t “act” remember?
I see her while I pretend to be looking for Nic because I didn’t even tell my good friends what was really going on. I did my best to avoid looking like a creeper, but I’m sure I did that just about as well as I knit. As I see their group start to head out, I mention something about Nic not being there. So, we headed out.
In the hallway of the convention center, we found ourselves walking in front of the cute girl’s group. I was trying so hard not to turn around & peek. I’d never been so focused on my walk & I’d never been so concerned about what I looked like from the back. If you knew me in 2001, you can probably imagine how strange my outfit was, so it probably wasn’t great.
What I’d find out about 7 months later, but was completely oblivious to at the time, was that this girl had apparently mentioned something to her friends about me. As they were walking behind us, she got close behind me (but not so close that I noticed) & pretended to put her arm around me. Her friends, with a classic 2001 disposable camera, snapped a picture that, from their view, sort of looked like she had her arm around my shoulder.
We’ve tried to track this photo down over the years to no avail. And I had no idea this girl even noticed me, let alone was pretending to put her arm around me.
We walked toward our hotel for a while & by the time I gained the courage to turn around & look…they were gone. Ugh. Brett, you idiot.
Fast forward about 30 minutes. We make our way back to the hotel where our group is hanging out in the lobby (including Nic, just as I figured he’d be). It didn’t take long for the majority of our group to end up in a circle on the floor playing a beloved game of silent football. It’s okay if you don’t know what that game is, all you need to do know is that the loser had to do a dare that the group decided on.
We’re in the middle of the game & I just kept thinking about that girl. I was sure to position myself in the circle so I could see the lobby entrance. Just in case. Every time someone walked in the doors, my eyes shot up with hope only to be let down. Until….she….walks…in. The lobby speakers began to play “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder. Just kidding, but it may as well have.
I could hardly stay seated. She & her friends walk in the door. They start chatting in the lobby. We’re close to the end of the game & my mind is going a million miles an hour trying to figure out what I should do.
“Brett,” you might be asking yourself, “how about you walk up to her, introduce yourself & talk to her.”
Funny. Real funny. It wasn’t happening.
In the midst of this internal strategizing, someone lost silent football. It was my friend & neighbor Michael. Most of us called him Recess because he looked just like the main guy from the cartoon Recess. As the group is throwing out ideas for his dare, it hits me…maybe I can come up with a dare that will somehow get our group & their group to connect. Then, maybe, that girl will fall in love with me, marry me & have 3 kids, 2 dogs & move to Georgia with me later in life. Maybe I didn't think ALL of that, but a million miles an hour is pretty fast, guys.
As I’m scheming, it looks like the group of girls she’s hanging out with are getting ready to leave. In desperation of losing yet another chance, I blurted out, “Recess, you have to go ask those girls out!”
Everyone kind of looks at me like, “what are you even talking about.” So I pointed over to the group of girls & said, “your dare is to go ask those girls out on a date.” To be fair, that wasn’t an abnormal dare. Usually, it was something a little funnier & more awkward than “will you go on a date with me”…normally the dare was something like walking up to a stranger & asking “will you be my date to the ice cream social?” But I didn’t have time to dote it up.
Recess was a fun kid, so he basically shrugs & starts walking that way. Our group of 30 or so are watching with bated breath as Recess approaches the group of girls. This is where I should tell you what I thought would happen. I was guessing these girls were seniors. They just looked older & one of them had an Anderson University shirt on. So, I THOUGHT that young Recess would ask them out & they would be like “oh my gosh, this kid is so cute” and…I don’t know…decide to come hang out with our group?
I guess a million miles an hour isn’t all too fast after all, because that’s where my plan ended. What I wasn’t expecting was for Recess, from across the lobby, to look back at us with a giant grin (think Squints from Sandlot right before Wendy Peffercorn came back down for that last mouth to mouth). In the midst of the Squints-grin, he gave us a thumbs up & started to leave with these girls.
My plan had failed.
About a minute later, I had an idea. I lean over to my friends & say, “Let’s follow Recess.” What I didn't totally think through is that it was mid-November in Indiana and I had no jacket or shoes on. But logic wasn’t driving my choices at that point. Recess & the girls ended up going to Steak ‘n Shake about a block away. We walk in. The place is packed. There are about 8-10 of them in their group sitting at a bunch of tables pushed together near the entrance. We enter & walk over to Recess.
I’m not sure how it happened, maybe I asked her about her shirt because I was planning on attending that fall, but I ended up talking to the friend of the cute girl who was wearing the Anderson University shirt. Her name was Mandy. As I did my best to engage in my conversation with Mandy & not keep side-eyeing the cute girl at the end of the bench, we realize that she & I had actually talked on the phone in the past couple of months because she was making phone calls to those who were going to be visiting (do you remember this, Mandy!?).
Before I know it, their food arrives. At this point, my friends & I are just some weird guys standing by their table…with no food. It was time to throw in the towel for the evening. We slunk away into the night, my friends having no idea how much of a failure I felt like. I honestly have no idea why I didn’t talk to them about it…they all would have been totally supportive. I just didn’t.
That Saturday was spent doing my best to put myself in this girl's path, but often failing & just looking like an anxious person who is convinced of an imminent attack with the way my eyes were always darting around. The main plot line for that day was that she was wearing an Anderson University shirt. Ah, “a college girl” I thought. Months later, I’d describe this girl to a friend who attended Anderson in hopes that they would know who I was talking about. What I didn’t know at the time was that she DID NOT attend Anderson, but only got that shirt from Mandy, her friend who went to AU & worked the AU booth at the convention. Yet another failure on the journey.
Sunday rolls around & I don’t think I’d slept more than 3 hours the whole weekend. I was up all night trying to talk myself into doing SOMETHING…ANYTHING. The morning service comes & goes with nothing but a few peeks from across the room. Our group is in the hotel lobby around noon, waiting for everyone to get picked up. I’m standing there, a shell of a 17-year-old who blew it…who had countless opportunities to start a conversation with unbelievably low-hanging fruit for what that conversation could look like. But no…nothing…
And in the midst of my self-despair, something in my peripheral vision catches my eye. I peek over & about 10 feet to my left….
there.
she.
is.
Her group is starting to gather in the lobby & she’s just standing there. Is she doing that on purpose? Is she waiting for me to say something? Does she want me to say something?
In the midst of my neurotic breakdown, their group walks out the front door & she follows.
And that was it. Just like that she was out of my life. I grilled Recess for any info on her. I described her to a friend at Anderson in hopes to figure out who this girl was. I still didn’t even have a name. She was just a vapor at this point. That and a reminder of my failure to act.
She remained a vapor for 6 months. Because 6 months and 4 days later, that vapor reappears. It’s May 22nd, 2002. I was a counselor with our church for Jr High Breakout, a weekend retreat for middle school students at the FCA camp in Marshall, Indiana.
Guess who else was a counselor for their church at Jr High Breakout? Yep, that cute girl from Kokomo. As I did my best to stealthily stalk her, I learned from a wonderfully obnoxious middle schooler that she may have been doing some stalking herself. After a lot of side-eye glances & one wildly awkward interaction about buffalo nickels, I was convinced that this would be a repeat of the previous November.
Something happened to me on Sunday, though. Call it gumption...desperation...maybe even the Holy Spirit, but I decided I was not going to let it happen. Not again. So, I did what I should have done from the beginning. I went up, introduced myself & started a conversation with her.
Just kidding. Again.
I went back to my cabin, pumped the bathroom paper towel dispenser (you know the thick, brown paper towels) a few times because who has paper at camp? I found a sharpie & wrote her a letter that was the epitome of “desperation trying to play it cool”. I folded it up & headed to the final chapel.
Chapel ends & everyone is saying their final goodbyes to camp friends as they load up in vans & busses. This was it. I had to finally “act” or I was headed home with this pathetic folded-up declaration on a paper towel. I walked up to her and garbled something like, “hey…this is for you” and I handed her the note.
She must have wondered why the awkward guy is giving her garbage. “Is he asking me to throw this away for him?” she probably thought. But I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. Just as quickly as I handed it to her, I walked away. A couple of minutes later, I noticed her walking my way. I was motionless. Like, ‘standing in front of a t-rex at Jurassic Park’ motionless.
She walks up to me & we have our first real conversation.
Oh my gosh, she was so beautiful.
Her voice.
The way she talked.
The way she asked me for clarity on a few things I had written down, like my email address, because the sharpie ink had bled out too much on the paper towel & she couldn’t quite read it. After all, “surely his email isn’t brettryantalley@dork.com" she must have wondered. She was wrong…that was indeed my email.
I’m not sure how the conversation ended, but however it ended, whatever impressions I’d given her, whatever reasons I had given her to stay as far away from me as possible, she ignored.
1 week later we’re out on our first date.
1 year after that we’re engaged.
1 year & 1 week after that, we’re husband and wife.
1 year after that we’re living in KY, just the two of us.
4 years after that we moved back to Indiana & started our family.
7 years after that, as a family of 5, we venture south for a new adventure.
Well, at least that’s how I remember it.
So, to that cute girl from Kokomo: Happy 20th anniversary of the start of our saga. May it never end. I love you so much. I’m sorry I was (am) such a goober. But hey, like I say, you must have been into it. You even kept the note.
Last year, when thinking through the wild journey of me & Courtney’s relationship, I wrote this song about our timeline of awkward, embarrassing (well, on my end at least) and life-changing moments. I made a lot of mistakes that November…but I’d make them again if it assured me I’d be back with you, Courtney Lynn Cline.
I shared this song & a recording with her last valentines day. I felt like it summarizes our story well, so thought I’d share with anyone who cared to read this much already.
In 2001 you took my picture but I was a coward
who was way out of his league
In 2002 I write you a letter on a paper towel
And so began our journey
In 2003 I gave you a rubber band
And I got down on a knee
In 2004 you took my name & I took your hand
Living the dream at only 20
In 2005 we ventured out on our own
Just us in the bluegrass state
In 2009 our little family grows, we move back home
And life just seems to accelerate
By 2013, we’re a family of five
Living that mini-van life
And I can’t imagine a better timeline
Than the one where you said yes to being my wife
Of course, things haven't been perfect
But I wouldn't alter the slightest thing
In fear that it would disturb this
Timeline & current reality
I know all this multiverse talk
Sure doesn't sound romantic
But let's not pretend like this story has been
Anything other than enchanted
It started with a sharpie & a paper towel
The odds were surely not in my favor
But look at this life that we’ve built now
Thanks for looking past my early behavior
Not sure what you saw in me
Surely not the hat and cut off slacks
Thanks for putting up with those
Knee-high socks & the first date nap
I’m not sure what made you wanna stick around
But I’m sure glad you did
Because I can’t imagine anything better than this
No I can't imagine anything better than this
It's 2021& the world’s a mess
It's a full-blown pandemic
Still, I'm in love with that girl I met
All those years ago I’ll never forget it
PS. So much of our life as a married couple has become ‘managing life’. Writing this was so good to remember how I want that cute girl from Kokomo to be so much more than my partner in life. Multiple times a year, I watch Courtney from across the room. Maybe in a restaurant, maybe at church, maybe at Target...and I still think she’s the most beautiful girl in the room & get reminded of that feeling on November 16, 2001. I don’t think it’ll ever go away.
Love you, Court.
